I find myself exploring the nature of my friendships past and present with my girlfriends. How these friendships change? How some friendships end and how some have survived through life's many twists and turns. The more I look at it, the more I compare my friendships to a marriage. Can you change, grow and still remain one? Contrary to what I might have believed, that friendships end because of distance, time, etc. I now know that friendships end: 1. because one or both parties are unwilling to live with the growth or lack of growth in another, 2. we feel that our current lifestyle or choices will not be supported by the other so we choose not to involve them in our lives, and 3. this may be the most important, we are so afraid of losing a friend that we will not tell them the truth, so we shy away. A true friend, who has known you for some time becomes an exceptional mirror, that you can see your reflection clearly. They can tell us what is it that we project to the world. They see the insides of us and read our emotions so clearly that we may find this hard to live with.
In our friendships we adhere to this falsehood that true friends don't fight so we never get to hash things out as is needed from time to time in any healthy relationship. As in a partnership/ marriage a good fight clears the air and you can let go of all the anger and move on. You are allowed to speak from your soul and say what you feel. You are allowed to share what is your experience of the friendship. Do you pretend everything is fine when its not? 2009, I pledge to myself to respond with truth, when solicited of course. This I have to remember, any unsolicited advice is not met with an open heart, so respond only when solicited, and respond in a manner that you would like for yourself. I will learn how to fight with a friend and find ways to resolve conflict. This can only mean greater, tested, stronger, more meaningful friendships for me to enjoy.
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I've lost many friends over the years, but I always seem to gain new ones. Friendship seems to be constantly renewing cyle.
ReplyDeleteYour thoughts are so on point with why some friendships are able to last and other just rot away. As I try to figure out why I've remined friends with a few and lost touch with others, I'm prompted to say that it's because I had lost interest, I was lazy, I was probably even selfish and wrapped up in my own life at the time, not realizing that my friendship was slipping away.
ReplyDeleteYou articulated what really happenings when we drift away from our friends. We are not will ing to be truthful with our friends, hence we are not truthful with ourselves. In other words, being truthful with someone you clasifiy to be your friend is what create everlasting friendships.