The way you understand anything is the way you make it, why not love. I have seen my mother make Roti on many occasions, yet I cannot make Roti, why? Because I don't understand all the steps involved in making my favorite dish. I just don't get it. So it is with my sex life, it is a direct response to my current understanding of love. When I understand the woman I am, I feel sexy. It is then my sex life takes on a clarity of its own, this is manifested in me being more open and direct about what makes me feel good and what it is that I want.
In my early twenties, I was not so sure about how I wanted to be loved, because I was not so sure about myself. What I knew about sex came from the pages of Cosmopolitan magazine, I read and then I acted, what I understood was what I read, someone else's experience written out to help us understand the act of sex, a manual much as a car manual is written by someone else and it helps you figure out how to open the hood and check the oil, etc. I know now having read my car's manual how to open the hood and check the oil, but I never do it because, I just don't quite get it. Likewise, though I am grateful to Cosmo for the tips and techniques I learned, it was not my thing. My thing is what I have learned over the years, its precious to me, I gained an understanding of what it is to love myself.
In my relationships throughout the years, I have loved every which way. I loved with guilt therefore I made love with a level of shame, I loved with fear, so I made love with fearing that if I was not good enough I would be abandoned. I loved with a sense of power, not in myself, but power in the act itself, so I made love selfishly, only to hold someone else captive. These experience I can now admit were not true expressions of love.
Now that I am older and I am growing in my understanding of me and my spirit and love itself, I can make love as if I better understand it. I can be sexy and open and even use some of the tools Cosmo taught me because I understand love to be the very nature of the divine, and I am a divine being. We are here because of the power of love. The act of creation is solely based on love, and as a woman I can I become so filled with love that I can create. That's sexy!
The power of love, as I now understand it to be, is the one thing that connects each and everyone of us beyond any barriers, in race, class, or geographical divide. So yes, from a woman's standpoint, sex does get better with age. Age brings understanding, and understaning brings orgasms. And in each orgasmic moment you will begin to see flashes of your divinity.
Sunday, October 26, 2008
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